Hard to believe my baby boy is a month old! Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday I was jumping around on the bed trying to wake Steven up to tell him we were pregnant. He was so excited! Of course, Steven had some strange opinions about pregnancy. For example: A baby isn't a baby until it's born. He would insist that our growing fetus couldn't hear me and that I was crazy for reading to my belly at night. Trying to get Steven to feel the baby kick was challenging at first. He thought it was weird and instead, would watch my stomach bounce around from a distance. He refused to find out the sex, even though I was dying to know and when I made the appointment for a 4-D ultrasound, he wanted nothing to do with it, claiming, "You shouldn't be able to know what babies look like until they are born. It's not natural." As time went on he warmed up... slightly. The morning before Steven passed away, he came in the door from work. I was still in bed and pretending to be asleep (because if Steven knew I was awake, he would have wanted me to fix him something to eat). He quietly came through the bedroom and on his way to shower, he stopped. He pulled back the blanket and kissed my belly. I didn't move. He kissed my forehead and said, "Good morning, honey." That's the thing about Steven. He was the sweetest when it wasn't expected... when no one was looking. I'll miss those small moments. Steven would have been an incredible father. He constantly talked about all of the things he wanted to do with his kids and there is nothing in the world that he wanted more than a son. I believe Steven and Andrew met. Not on earth, but in some realm between life and death. Some days I even wonder if they still see each other. I don't believe that Steven is our Guardian Angel, but I do believe that Heaven is bigger than any of us can understand. And I do believe we will all reunite one day.
A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
~ Helen Rowland
~ Helen Rowland
He did have some strange pregnancy ideals. I remember when we would look at my belly with Easton, he would try not to look but I could see him looking out of the corner of my eye. I have no doubt that Andrew and Steven met and he's watching over him everyday (and you). I love you guys and I KNOW we'll see him again one day.
ReplyDeleteI can still hear him saying, "I'm not touching my sister's stomach"... like there was something wrong with that. lmao.
ReplyDeleteWhat a very lucky baby! God blessed Andrew with what I feel are two of the strongest loving parents! Every baby should be so lucky! God Bless and Keep you and Andrew! What an amazing lady you are.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin, I can't imagine what you have been through, but I do know that you are one of my heroes. you have spoken with such love and respect for your husband and I know that Andrew will know his Daddy because you will make sure of it. may God bless you and protect you both.
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