Slop and Tator Tots

So many of my followers look to me for inspiration and strength, but I refuse to sugar coat my emotions for their benefit. The truth is that the last couple weeks have been really difficult. I'm fighting with my faith and I'm fighting to understand something that can't be explained. That is the uncensored truth. My favorite quote has always been: "I'd rather have 5 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special!" It is still my favorite and it is still the truth. I will forever be grateful for my time with Steven. My anger, however, comes in to play when I realize that my son - my sweet, innocent, untainted, baby boy, didn't get 5 minutes. He didn't even get 5 seconds.

The memories that drag me down are the same memories that get me through the day. It never fails; everyday I am reminded of Steven's quirks. Today, it started with tator tots. I was with my in-laws when Steven's sister, Cari, was making her grocery list. She mentioned that she had tator tots in the freezer and I immediately smiled. You see, Steven was a meat and potatoes kind of guy. He liked his meat on one side of the plate and his potatoes on the other. Under no circumstances should the two be mixed together and mentioning the word casserole might as well have been a sin. One night, I asked him what he wanted for dinner. He said he didn't care, so I told him I had hamburger thawed. I reminded him that we had spaghetti the night before and I really didn't want hamburgers or tacos, so I was going to throw some stuff in a dish and call it a casserole. He thought I was kidding. An hour later, I called him to come in the kitchen and fix a plate. The look on his face was priceless. He said, "I ain't eatin' this slop! What is it anyway?" Smiling I said, "I'm calling it hamburger casserole and if you don't want any, there is a Hungry Man in the freezer - help yourself." Steven picked up a spoonful, dropped it back into the casserole dish, and about that time I heard him say, "Wait a minute.... are those tator tots? I like tator tots."
He was always funny like that. We were constantly in a power struggle. He was the King of our castle. If he wanted meat and potatoes, I'd give him meat and potatoes, but he got them however I felt like cooking them. Actually, I just decided on a name for that dish - it will forever be called "Slop".

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love."   - Washington Irving