Guardian Angels

I've thought about blogging on this topic a hundred times, but I never wanted to upset my followers. I've always believed in guardian Angels, but I have never believed that Steven was my guardian Angel. Stay with me on this one... it's something I've struggled with since he passed away, but tonight my beliefs have been challenged.
It's difficult for me to believe that our loved ones watch over us from Heaven. If Heaven is a place where there is no pain and no suffering; if it's a place where we spend eternity in peace, how could our loved ones watch over us and not be sad? Since the second that I learned of Steven's death, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Andrew was and always would be my guardian Angel. In the days following the tragedy, he gave me a reason to stay calm. He brought to me a superpower. Giving birth to a healthy child was far bigger and far more important than mourning. After his birth, he needed (and always will need) me to be a strong and graceful role model. Since then, I've met other people who seem to watch over me - Angels walking on earth, dressed as ordinary people, but I could never bring myself to believe that Steven or anyone other than God, was looking down on me from Heaven.
The last few months, I haven't been able to feel Steven the way others do. I now realize that I haven't wanted to. I've wanted to get on with my life. I know I can never forget what happened, but I was so focused on moving forward that I stopped welcoming the memories. On Saturday, I went to visit Steven for the first time since the funeral. I needed to talk to him. I asked him only to help me, believing for the first time that he could. And tonight he did. I was sitting in my car and I saw a shooting star. The first shooting star I ever saw was with Steven, just before he was deployed to Iraq. The stars became an important symbol in our relationship. When I saw the shooting star tonight, I felt Steven. And I realized, after he died, I saw a shooting star, at his friend's birthday party last weekend, I saw 5 shooting stars in one night.... 5. How could I have missed it? He was there. He's been here all along. I just haven't been looking...
Do I believe now that Steven is my guardian Angel? I'm truly not sure. But I absolutely believe that someone is looking out for me; maybe it's my loving husband, maybe it's my loving God. One thing is for sure, I'm going to work a little harder at allowing Heaven back into my daily life and allowing the love of Heaven to guide me.

"I've seen an met Angels, wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives!"  -- Tracy Chapman