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| October 15, 2011 |
Dear Steven,
I can't love you any more. Three years ago, today, we vowed to spend the rest of our lives together. You promised me, I promised you, and together we promised God to love each other until death do us part. On that cool October day, I knew that I would love you forever. When I looked into your eyes, I saw all of my dreams coming true. When you held my hand, I knew that you were the man I wanted to spend my whole life loving. On that day, I loved you more than I thought I could ever love, but I also knew that our love for each other would grow stronger as our lives progressed. On that day, I thought I couldn't love you more if I tried. And then a few months later we found out that I was pregnant and my love for you doubled in an instant. I expected it would always be that way. I expected that on the day of our baby's birth, I would love you more than on the day we got married. I expected that there would come a time in our marriage when we would have to fight for each other and when we overcame our marital challenges, I would love you more for working through them with me. I always expected that I would love you more every morning than I did the night before. But I was robbed of that opportunity. I will never be able to love you more than I did on the day that you died. On the day you met Jesus, I loved you more than I had ever loved before. But that was the end of the road for our love story. Nothing could ever make me love you more than I did on that day. And that leaves an ache in my heart that will never go away. But don't worry about me, my love, because God has this all figured out. In the most heartbreakingly beautiful way, I picked up loving Andrew when our love story ended. Today, I love him more than I ever knew my heart could love and tomorrow I will love him a little more.
Steven, I want you to know how much I miss you. I miss everything about you and I miss everything about us. I also want you to know that you will always be my hero. We fulfilled our commitments. Three years ago, we vowed to love each other until death do us part. You kept your promise and I kept mine. So, on the third Anniversary of our wedding day, I hope you understand that I can't love you any more...
But damnit, I can't love you any less either.
Forever your loving wife,
Caitlin
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| October 15, 2014 |
I've read all of your blog and I have to say it's so touching and I'm so sorry this had to happen to you! I come from an entire family of coal miner's. My great grandpa, my grandpa, two of my grandpa's three brothers, and my uncle (my grandpas son). It hurts me to know our very nightmare became your reality, I'm glad that you've been able to be so strong though, I'm not sure I'd have the same strength
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful but so sad. Your so strong and I'm sorry for your loss. I could have never say good bye to someone I loved like that. It just goes to show how strong us humans can be.
ReplyDeleteIt is beautiful Caitlin. I am sure Steven is with you and Andrew every minute of every day. I am sure his words back to you would be the same as you have written. You are so very strong and I am so very proud of you. One day you will see thru the eye's of God and it will show all that is Devine, all that God meant for it to be. You will have understanding of it all.
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